black star of darkness

Well basically I got tired of finding stupid random story ideas on the website, so tried to be original, so maybe it will not appeal to everyone, and i will ...

haha well spotted! I will definitely look to fix that :P

Thank you guys for the comments, you both seem to point to the same thing so I will change that and post it edited when I post chapter 1 hope ...

Wow, this is really powerful and I liked the repition of the "Dear Atlanta", it gave a good structure to the poem :)

yeh the / is meant for a pause, you see on some lyrics when they are written down.

Yeah this really made me feel something, although as mentioned before it is a bit of a mish-mash lacking proper structure and shape. However I liked the emotional quality,

This is pretty good, I like the way you went from liking to almost hating, emphasing it. The rhythm/structure wasnt quite there, but hu care? :)

As i have said before, more than twice now, if anybody will listen to me, this is a poem I wrote a year ago in school, so I don't need ...

To clarify: This was meant to be about a person looking into their life, so technically it is the same person but they are removed from their life. So both ...

I like this poem as it flows smoothly like a raindrop down to earth, ending with a final word, in this case, plop. However, this may have been already mentioned, ...

I like this as it accurately describes fear It does need a bit of work on the overall feel of it though, as it is a draft. Finish the whole ...

Guys I have had a mixed response to this poem and I'd like to re-iterate that this was written a year ago AT SCHOOL, and so it is nothing like ...

Guys I have had a mixed response to this poem and I'd like to re-iterate that this was written a year ago AT SCHOOL, and so it is nothing like ...

Okay thank you for your help I shall change it in accordance with the suggestions that you have made and re-post the updated version.

Thank you for your advice I shall work on the rhythm and punctuation and I shall re-post when that is finished thanks :)